Joy – about When fear comes home to Love

I received this is my message box at a writer forum today –

Hello Leelah,
I have read several chapters at random to get an idea of your writing and story. I am familiar with the Course in Miracles as several people I know have been involved.
After more reading, I will write a formal comment. All I can say at this time is this is the most fully encompassing work I have ever read and is written with such caring and that it cannot be separated from your heart. Love, understood as it must eventually be by consciousness is the thread of which your book is woven. I have already just given all stars to it and I will ask my daughter if she will read and evaluate it also.

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Sharing a recent review to When fear comes home to Love

LET THOSE WHO HAVE EARS …,August 26, 2013

Amazon Verified Purchase
This review is from: When Fear Comes Home to Love: The healing gifts of art, play and forgiveness (Paperback)

This is a most unusual treasure of a book pulsing with emotional, healing, and even spiritual truth. My less than perfect rating is not a commentary on the contents themselves, but a method of alerting those of us who tend to think with western linearity to be prepared to read with a different eye, to hear with a different ear, to feel where we try not to feel, to experience what we don’t often allow into awareness.

Leelah is right to let us know that she is not trying to convert us to the Course in Miracles which has been such a blessing for her. It isn’t necessary. The magic lies in the poetry of her therapy and related stories, in the welcoming of the archetypes, in the varied arts with which she portrays the truth she and so many of her clients have found.

I see and appreciate Jung here, though this is by no means an exposition on his work. The book does, however, share the quality of Jungian writings. When I recommend them, I always include the caveat, “Read it as if you are a rock in the river. Appreciate what sticks, and let the rest flow on by. It will leave a mark even if you don’t recognize it at the time.”

Now for more precision. Be prepared for the power of the author’s own overtly horrendous experiences. Out of her awakening to what happened to her comes what I understand to be her basic message. We cannot be the love we are all part of until we accept and integrate all our archetypes – those ancient oppositional characteristics that constitute the opposite of ego – the blind, rigid, denying belief we hang on to and defend as if it were real.

Let me just offer some samples of her own words to provide a better taste of what you’ll find when you open this book.

(p.50) “And what a relief: we don’t have to figure things out with our mind – but letting it reveal itself to us and surprise us!”

(p.50) “Play is divine worship. Let us play, then. Let me paint an image and see what happens … ”

(p.65) As soon as I accept and acknowledge my story, blocks throughout my body start to snap open, and a rush of energy surges through me. At last the link between past and present, between mind/head and body is established. At last I can mourn now, at last feel compassion for myself, not self-contempt and hatred.”

I’d like to go on, but let me end with the beginning of one long poem, one of the many creative ways she and her clients reveal their experiences of opening.

Hi I am Plastic Charlie I am Plastic Charlie
They’ve taken all I’ve got
Heart and lungs and organs
And given them to those in need
They’ve given me plastic instead
That’s fine with me
Nothing matters
I don’t feel at all.
(p. 90)”

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At last – When fear comes home to Love is published as paperback

Here is the link:

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“When Fear Comes Home to Love” published on Amazon Kindle today

The paperback will be out between  5th – 9th August,if the Cover formatter is back from holiday. It has a nice large format. The link will be posted here.

22 years explorations. VERY VERY worth it♥♥♥


Here’s a story from the book:

Blue Bells, Feathers and Stars: Trusting the Creative Process

Rowena wears a thick and invisible cloak around herself – it prevents her from participating in life. Everything is distant and un-engaging – nothing concerns her or touches her heart. In the session I help her to BE with herself – here and now. We wander around in the room, and I ask her to tell me what she is aware of right this moment. Like this:

“Now I’m aware of the feather hanging on the wall beside the shaman-drum.

Now I’m aware of the blue color in that picture.

Now I’m aware of those small brass-bells.

Now I’m aware of that star.

Now I’m aware of the blue stone.

Now I’m aware of the stars in that picture.

Now I’m aware of the image of that feather.

Now I’m aware of the feather on the tip of that painted stick.”

After having done this for about five minutes, we notice what repeats itself in her attention: feathers, blue, stars and bells. We honor what she has given attention and awareness to, and create small poems where these four elements are interwoven.

It is night.

In the deep blue sky

Stars are singing.


A shiny white feather

Sinking to earth,

Sounds of

Small bells

I ask Rowena, in the time until next session, to notice everything she sees that has blue or feathers or stars or bells. I also ask her to write down her dreams and notice if the four elements are there. But Rowena tells me that she is unable to catch her dreams: “They escape me all the time. I am lucky to get only a fragment… when I wake up, I know I have dreamt a lot, but they disappear.”

Next session Rowena reports she has seen feathers everywhere! As she takes a hike in the wood, in front of her on the trail is a big orange feather. Clear blue ribbons frame the trail, and deeper in the wood, a sky-blue tent…

After this, she goes to town. She enters a shop she never visited before – and there she finds an object that contains all the four elements: feathers, blue, stars and the sound of small bells. She buys it, and pulls it out of her bag to show me: “I have never seen anything like this before!”

With great delight I tell her that the object she bought is an American Indian dream-catcher.

(And yes, she started to remember her dreams after that).

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Some exercizes from Healing Crises


Toning is sounding notes with your voice – allowing the sound to emerge from ”something :” it may be a pain, a body-part: you tune into the pain/body-part, and allow a sound  to come out of your mouth. This tone is a vocal expression of what is going on in the painful part. You pay attention to it while you are toning, letting it change if it wants to: follow your impulse. This mode of expression by-passes the intellect and control, and allows the pain an expression that is direct, not filtered through your rationality and defenses. The result is often an energetic or emotional release. You may also feel nothing which is OK, and does not mean that you have done it ”wrong” – just give your instrument some time to warm up. Sooner or later, you will feel releases in one way or another.



You will need a camera for this one.

Go outside, and bring the camera with you. Look for images /motives which speak TO you or FOR you – images ,details or nature-symbols which may be metaphors for how you are feeling right now, for what your life looks like at this time, for what is going on in you. Nature is abundant with these metaphors: a stump of a tree, hit by lightning – footprints in the mud, disappearing – the little fragile bud on an early spring-twig – the one green leaf on a ”dead” branch – the garbage in the gutter –the dandelion breaking through the asphalt, in danger of being crushed by cars –

Walk with the intent of noticing what Nature offers you as metaphors. You might not immediately understand why you are moved by some special detail – but if it touches your heart, OR repels you, take a photo, and trust that the meaning will find its way to you when you are ready.

You might find metaphors in your own back yard, garden, in the wood, in the fields, or in the city. The clue is always to look for details that catches your eyes AFTER you have asked your Source: ”Please show me symbols from Nature which best mirrors me right now.” Remember that you do not have to analyze, evaluate or judge what you see – just pick what moves you positively or negatively.

When the photos are developed, paste them into your journal, or perhaps in a special book just for these images. Now look for feelings, essence, themes, and qualities in them: fear, loneliness, ruin, overwhelm, chaos, peace, serenity, fragmentation, strength – is there a common motive? Are your images full of trees or stones? Any persistent colors? Enrich the images with some words: maybe a poem, a quote – maybe the images can be woven into a story…

I have witnessed remarkable healing in patients when deep tragedies have been transformed through a process like this. Images attend to deep pain in a way that rational words cannot. The book may become a treasure for you, and allows you to see yourself in connection to Nature, which in itself is deeply healing.

[1] Source for this exercise: Jan Phillips: God  Is At Eye-level



Make a drawing/painting of the crisis. Abstract or concrete. Make it in a small square frame: ca 2,8 -3 inches per side

In the first square you paint it as ugly and detailed as you want – for example, a bunch of spikes going through a heart or person. In the second frame, you pose the question to your inner healer (yes, you DO have one. We all do. It’s called Truth)”Where does this image want to go to be healed?” which means “what needs to happen for this first image to change into a healing image?”

In the next frame, start to paint/draw the transformation you would love to see – or the inner images you may be shown: maybe a bright sun appears. Maybe some of the spikes melt, or lose the sharpness -or grass grows up around them…next frame, maybe the spikes start to sprout leaves – next frame: maybe the spikes have turned into blossoming boughs, weaved together as little summer house.

See, in 3-4 frames you just allow a visual transformation to happen. This is not naïve make-believe, my friend: you are just allowing your brain to make its own healing images. Maybe it starts to remember that the crisis is not All there is.

If you feel like it, please make a little story about the transformation.


So now, why don’t you find something within that you would like to heal – maybe a painful spot or a feeling – and start toning it. Listen to what it wants – listen to the tones, help them go where they want to; allow them to BE as they are. You are not getting grades for singing nicely. Listen to it as you would listen to someone dear to you telling about their misery in a foreign language. Pay homage to that someone. This is your power song – one of many.


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Healing Crisis: 108 ways to turn crises into possibilities

This is the Introduction to Healing Crisis. Some of the exercises will be placed in another post

H E A L I N G   C R I S I S  –


Congratulations! You have just taken a step out of the dark and dismal landscape of crisis. There are numerous ways leading home – and this little book will show you a number of them. The fact that you are reading this shows that you believe that there may be light in the other end of the tunnel – that you are willing to take steps to come out of it – and that you recognize and acknowledge your power to do so! Then Love will come to your aid: when we take steps to heal and help ourselves, and support our inherent potential for growth and healing – the universe will support us.

Crisis happens when we have failed to nourish our spirit and soul. We have to feed ourselves spiritually ”in order to carry the weight of our life” says Ianla Vanzant. If we lose a beloved child, partner, friend or parent, and have not sustained our spirit, we will sink deep and dark, and we will have to use infinite more time and effort to heal than when we are spiritually well-nourished, and deep loss occurs: now we know that what looks like a disaster is God’s[1] way of rocking our boat, in order to help us swim to new shores. We are given an opportunity for change. We may now see the crisis as an opener for personal and spiritual growth, a possibility for reconnecting with old and denied wounds within, and do some much-needed healing work – and we will recognize the gifts within the process: the encounter of deeply buried memories and feelings, with the ability of rejuvenating our soul.

When we have no conscious connection to our soul and spirit, what happens to us seems meaningless and cruel – or maybe we tell ourselves that this is God’s punishment because we have done something ”wrong”. And we resist, resist and resist with all our might – we resist what happened, we blame ourselves or fate or God, we cannot let it go :WE ARE RIDING THE VICTIM-WAVES.

This is a certain way to prolong the crisis, the feelings of desperation and overwhelm – because what we resist, persists.

If we are spiritually nourished, we will not habitually resist the violent emotions. We can now choose to allow them, and have faith that something good will come out of this in the end – as long as we keep our heart open and hang in there!

For me, the numerous crises in my life have been a huge help to recognize the touch of Love and meaning throughout the whole process – to acknowledge the ”Something Greater” we encounter when we dare to enter the scariest parts of our psychic basement – the dense and love-less darkness that seems to suck our life and light away. This book hopes to help you find a torch of your own true Light for those places, and heal them for good at last. I often remind myself that without the crises in my life, I would not have found that which is stronger: my own constant Source of love and healing, my Divine inner voice. Only by being tried often and hard enough will you be able to cultivate THAT within you that is stronger than the darkness .Several of the exercises in this book are ways of calling this force in us forth in the midst of desperation and overwhelm.

Bede Griffiths, in his book ”Return To The Center”, writes: ”Each man must discover this center in himself, this Ground of his being, this law of his life. It is hidden in the depths of every soul, waiting to be discovered. It is the treasure hidden in a field, the pearl of great price. It is the one thing necessary, which can satisfy all our desires, and answer all our needs…it is the original Paradise from which we all come.”

 During crisis, there is a Greek choir of complaints within us: ” IT’S NO USE –  IT’S TOO MUCH – I CAN’T TAKE IT – I CAN’T MAKE IT – IT’S UNFAIR – WHAT DID I DO WRONG – I’M NOT STRONG ENOUGH – WHY DID IT HAPPEN TO ME – I WILL NOT SURVIVE THIS – IF ONLY I HAD DONE X OR Y … and the resonating bass in this choir would probably go: MAYBE I DESERVE IT…


Believing in these voices will tap your strength and set you back. You need to go in with a counter-strategy: your own self-care and love. You need to tell yourself that the voices are a signal for you to start to talk lovingly to yourself: ”I love myself in this situation, exactly as it is, exactly as I am.” And then put your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug. You deserve it! It is astonishing how harsh we treat ourselves during crisis, when gentleness and understanding is really what work wonders.

IT IS OK TO FALL APART! When we are crushed, we are like a vase that has some cracks – and through those cracks, light is seeping through. New parts of us are being”en-lightened”. Forces and emotions and needs that have been held back for long time will seem to overwhelm you when they insist of being acknowledged, accepted and expressed. You might tell yourself that this is a time where strong forces are being balanced in your psyche,and give yourself tons of comfort and support while it lasts.

It is customary to feel strong pains in the body during periods of crisis – and they might just  be old and denied memories and feelings. After checking it out with a physician, it is advisable to see these pains as old ”inner tapes” being re-played. It is a healing: your consciousness is at last able to receive the old encoded pain. Do not resist it – on the contrary: the more you relate TO the pain – not FROM it – the more merciful your healing process will be.

Yes – allow the pain, openly. That you are in pain, does not necessarily mean that you have done something wrong (as so many of us use to tell ourselves.)And you might feel better reminding yourself that it is not WHAT happens to you that determines the level of pain during a crisis – it is how you relate to what has happened to you.

This book shows you numerous beneficial ways of relating creatively and compassionately to yourself.


There are two different ”qualities” of crises:

1) The ones where something outside of you happens – it seems that the world ”does something” to you: loss of a loved one, loss of job, home, pets, reputation, accidents.

2) Then there is the ongoing perpetual crisis which is the result of trauma and tragic childhoods, where one had to grow up under overwhelming circumstances and with family secrets and lots of taboos: like incest, violent or alcoholic parents who might have been insane or psychotic. These crises are an effect of living in a constant state of overwhelm, and under the tremendous pressure that is created when something in a family is forced to be ”invisible”. The people surviving this often do so by spacing out or numbing themselves, barely ”hanging in there”, resorting to addictions or other forms of acting out. Quite often they end up identifying with the pain in their life: ”this is how I am.” They need the pain in order to feel alive, they tell themselves – and subconsciously attract other people to go on hurting them. Are you one of these people, you will recognize your life as a continuous process of crisis – a bit of peace(maybe) and then the good old crisis again…until you start to suspect that there may be some patterns  within you that are jointly responsible for creating the agony.

And this is a huge insight: if I create my crises, I can also discreate them! And if I am a creator, it follows that I am NOT a victim – unless I choose to believe so.

Belonging to the last group: survivors of secrets, violence and incest, most of my life has been a search for the small sunny islands in muddy sharky waters. The safe way home to the sun filled garden of the heart has been to touch, in love and wonder and awareness, my own wounds, so cleverly buried and controlled within my psyche – hiding behind the demons.

I have used all the exercises in this book. Most of them have been created out from my own needs and creative and spiritual inspiration – and a few I have borrowed and added on. All of them have helped me – and they feel different, and have different healing to offer, each time  I use them.

Personally, I have been tremendously helped by spiritual and mystic literature, and by books on soul-making and creativity. I have a habit of writing down quotes from these books on colored little cards, and when I am in a difficult situation ( it does not have to be a crisis, they work just as fine when I simply am under stress, too) I ask my Self to pick a card that can tell me what is most helpful to know in that situation. I then draw a card, and it is always right on!


There are two kinds of exercises in this book:

1) Exercises intending to give you possibilities for expressing the repressed and ”forbidden” psychic material. When this material is NOT expressed, it attracts strong negativity and chaos from the outside world, which mirrors the hidden inner negativity. Working like this is deep release-work – allowing, letting go, forgiving .It is learning to see and love all pieces of our soul that we in our life learned to judge and hate and condemn. The exercises allow you to do this work gently and with humor. I call them”eating your shadow.”

2) The exercises which draw forth the light, the strength, the power and peace that exist, forever unharmed, at your true center. This spiritual essence may be named differently: Source, God, Spirit, Essence, our true nature, Divinity, the Universe. I call these exercises ”connecting with Essence.”


One of the most helpful procedures I have done for myself when crisis (or just problems) have hit me, is to ask Source what IT wants me to know about myself in this difficult situation – ”what would be most helpful for me to know right now, in order to deal with  this?” – and then draw a card from one of the many delightful divination-systems available to me. The Tarot, the I Ching, the Runes, the Kabbalah, and shamanistic divination-procedures have always given answers that have been the point and deeply supporting. Most important of all – the process shows me that there truly IS a Divine Source Who has my healing and growth as Its dearest goal. To start having confidence in this ”IT” has beyond doubt been my most precious gift. You might benefit from doing the same in a situation of crisis (or just a stressful one ):close your eyes, and take some time to experience yourself, here and now. Then ask yourself ”what would be most beneficial for me to do or know to help myself, right now?” then flip the pages of the book, put your finger in there and do the exercise ”IT” has chosen as the best for you right now.

 May your crisis turn into a golden possibility

to reconnect with your true essence

may you be blessed in finding

what your soul needs the most to express


Leelah Saachi



[1] Feel free to substitute God with Life, Divinity, Love, your true nature


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Leaving the womb: entering life fully. A Course in Miracles blog.

Here’s a link to my Course in Miracles blog: Leaving the womb: entering life fully.  This is a re-naming of the blog’s name now: Dreams and awakening.I am going to publish it on Kindle too – that way, all the videos and images can stay – and in color too 🙂

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